My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
