you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we're making bets on your personal life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
