I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
