Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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