my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
