i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
