The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
