I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
