remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
