Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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