Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
