I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the room spins SO much faster in panama
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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