I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
