**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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