He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
