I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need to calm my uterus...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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