So drunk its hurt
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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