He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
