Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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