Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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