i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
