official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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