I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Congratulations! We have a period
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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