i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
