big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
