And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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