i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
