I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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