I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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