Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
