I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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