Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
