Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
