Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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