It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize