Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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