I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
