i need an iv and a liver transplant
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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