god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize