Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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