i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
