I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to calm my uterus...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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