Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
