I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
