and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
