I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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