wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
