It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
