Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
