We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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