I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize