That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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