You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
