Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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