girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
