Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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