oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
