Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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