it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
