Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
