As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize