Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
