my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
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