Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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