Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
