i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
