You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
