East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I will be naked everywhere
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
