she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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